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Amy Tippins

Strange Musings Uncategorized

Dr. Venus Flytrap knows what’s going on in my bedroom? I doubt it!

August 14, 2013

Adoption baby mommy stiletto blogger

As a person who works for herself, I get the joy of working from home. What does this mean? I sit on my happy butt on the sofa every morning without brushing my teeth or my hair, if I so choose, while I cry over my bank statement. In fact, many people who work for themselves, or own a small business will nod their heads in agreement with me. People decide to work for themselves and forgo a steady paycheck for a variety of reasons. Personally, I gave up the stability of that money in my bank account every two weeks for an easy commute. Read on and you can decide which choice gives a higher quality of life – as I have no idea.

Many days I tackle certain parts of my job, while the television drones on in the background to trick me into believing that I have an office full of minions doing my dirty work. This afternoon I turned on Rachel Ray (don’t ask me why, as I do not cook and I cannot stand her) while answering emails. Sherri Sheppard, the guest co-host, introduced the topic of sex advice and how to spice it up in the bedroom. Instantly, I perked up and had to listen. Why, do you ask? No, I don’t have a man in my life and, sadly, no sex either. More than that, I find these segments exceptionally entertaining for multiple reasons:

The guest psychiatrist, LA Shrink’s Dr. V, weighed in on how to spice up the bedroom. First, Dr. V’s real name (or at least her legal one) is Venus Nicolino. Her choice in “name” probably came from one or two thought processes:

  • Venus is the name of the mythological Roman goddess of love and is also the namesake of the second planet from the sun. The probability of the Roman goddess representing the inspiration behind her chosen name is very high. If so, the powers-that-be should ban her from giving sex advice based on pure cheesiness alone. Why not pick “Aphrodite”? She’s the Greek goddess of love. At least hearing the name “Aphrodite” might leave a little tickle in the pants!
  • The Venus Fly Trap plant — the other probability — reminds me of how women use sex as one of many ways to lure a husband (often, only to withdraw the prize once he walks with her down the aisle). Once again, deception will get you nowhere in the long run. I lose all respect for deceivers very quickly.

How could you really respect and take the advice of a woman named “Venus” to tell you how to mix it up in the sheets with your man? Want to get a little fresh with your man? Call Harley and find out about the true Art of Seduction ™.

Mommy blogger adoption baby
Dr. Venus Planet Trap’s response to Sherri’s question, “It has been boring and very slow in the bedroom lately, what is the problem?” was “well, if there is no action in the bedroom then someone must not feel sexy.” Really? Really!? I am not a “shrink”, but anyone would know that if you aren’t putting out one of three things is happening:

  • You do not feel sexy
  • There are serious marital problems (the “why” would not even be asked in this case)
  • Someone (the male) needs to visit the doctor for the little blue pill.

Dr. Fly Boring Trap, I fell asleep during your answer. Snoozefest. You offered nothing to help my hypothetical question of about my intimacy problem with my man. In my case, there is no man, so there’s not a problem. Why not offer something inspiring to the ladies who need to spice it up in the bedroom? Suggest grabbing a page out of the 365 Nights of Passion or better yet, play a game of connect the scars with finger paints in the bathtub!

How can anyone hire Dr. V to give answers that offer no real value and pay her beaucoup of dollars to do it? Can someone please explain this to me?

And yes, to answer your question, I did write this post in my pajamas with my tallest stilettos on. Want to see them?

Dating Jack Sparrow Uncategorized

The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia

June 24, 2013

A vision of my personal life.

A vision of my personal life.

As I sit in the dark waiting out another infamous tornado weather night in Georgia, my mind drifts back to my own tornadic/traumatic events in my personal life.  Yes, we all endure bad boyfriends/girlfriends, unfaithful lovers and fantastic relationships.  Luckily, I had an incredible love in my life and kissed a few frogs along the way — even frogs can teach lessons.

Last year this time, I sat in my bathroom water closet, with a new friend from southern California, teaching him all of the safety measures in the case of a funnel cloud.  As I shared stories of Georgia’s own Dorothy experiences, my phone started ringing with warnings from friends and family to take cover.  One particular message popped up saying “While I do not like you as a person  – tornado headed your way” and my laughter howled through the night louder than the thunder.

Did I really think that he, who shall remain nameless, cared about my location in the storm path? NOPE.  I had not spoken with him in 3-4  years and the last time we had communicated I had turned him down on getting back together.  Why did I turn him down?  He lied. Lied about having a girlfriend at the time.  Lied about his interest in me.  Lied about everything.  If his interest ever rang true then he wouldn’t have insulted me with a backhanded statements.  My confusion still remains about what happened in our 3 month relationship over 5 years ago that left him bitter enough to take that opportunity to sling an insult me, but I digress….

As time in my life has passed I started to wonder if I were the one with the issue?  Am I so dumb when it comes to men that I buy into the lies for that New York minute?  Yeah, not possible because 20 years of dating has bestowed copious amounts of knowledge on me — which I am quick to share without my audience’s solicitation.

Take for an example the guy I dated last year:  Nice guy, financially stable, and beautiful home that I visiting multiple times in our relationship.  No sign of a mistress, wife or a closeted gay lover — or his sister for that matter.  Yep, this sucker told me his family tree ended at him  — no siblings.  Who am I to question an only child status?

Six months later, I cruised his facebook page (no judging —you have facebook stalked someone yourself ) and I find out his sibling status included a sister.  Who lies about a sister unless little Jenny turns a trick on the block?  Not the issue — this raven beauty’s jewelry showed no signs of suffering cash flow issue.  Maybe his sister was his lover instead of me? Who does that…who lies about their sister?

Weathering the storm of dating equates to weathering the storm of attending one of my family functions — exceptionally painful, un-enjoyable, but fruitful when it comes to acquiring knowledge.  Yes, we all might need a therapy to deal with both, but the money well spent in the end.  So grab your raft and get out there and date some crazies to find that perfect someone — and don’t forget your lifejacket!