Dr. Venus Flytrap knows what’s going on in my bedroom? I doubt it!

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As a person who works for herself, I get the joy of working from home. What does this mean? I sit on my happy butt on the sofa every morning without brushing my teeth or my hair, if I so choose, while I cry over my bank statement. In fact, many people who work for themselves, or own a small business will nod their heads in agreement with me. People decide to work for themselves and forgo a steady paycheck for a variety of reasons. Personally, I gave up the stability of that money in my bank account every two weeks for an easy commute. Read on and you can decide which choice gives a higher quality of life – as I have no idea.

Many days I tackle certain parts of my job, while the television drones on in the background to trick me into believing that I have an office full of minions doing my dirty work. This afternoon I turned on Rachel Ray (don’t ask me why, as I do not cook and I cannot stand her) while answering emails. Sherri Sheppard, the guest co-host, introduced the topic of sex advice and how to spice it up in the bedroom. Instantly, I perked up and had to listen. Why, do you ask? No, I don’t have a man in my life and, sadly, no sex either. More than that, I find these segments exceptionally entertaining for multiple reasons:

The guest psychiatrist, LA Shrink’s Dr. V, weighed in on how to spice up the bedroom. First, Dr. V’s real name (or at least her legal one) is Venus Nicolino. Her choice in “name” probably came from one or two thought processes:

  • Venus is the name of the mythological Roman goddess of love and is also the namesake of the second planet from the sun. The probability of the Roman goddess representing the inspiration behind her chosen name is very high. If so, the powers-that-be should ban her from giving sex advice based on pure cheesiness alone. Why not pick “Aphrodite”? She’s the Greek goddess of love. At least hearing the name “Aphrodite” might leave a little tickle in the pants!
  • The Venus Fly Trap plant — the other probability — reminds me of how women use sex as one of many ways to lure a husband (often, only to withdraw the prize once he walks with her down the aisle). Once again, deception will get you nowhere in the long run. I lose all respect for deceivers very quickly.

How could you really respect and take the advice of a woman named “Venus” to tell you how to mix it up in the sheets with your man? Want to get a little fresh with your man? Call Harley and find out about the true Art of Seduction ™.

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Dr. Venus Planet Trap’s response to Sherri’s question, “It has been boring and very slow in the bedroom lately, what is the problem?” was “well, if there is no action in the bedroom then someone must not feel sexy.” Really? Really!? I am not a “shrink”, but anyone would know that if you aren’t putting out one of three things is happening:

  • You do not feel sexy
  • There are serious marital problems (the “why” would not even be asked in this case)
  • Someone (the male) needs to visit the doctor for the little blue pill.

Dr. Fly Boring Trap, I fell asleep during your answer. Snoozefest. You offered nothing to help my hypothetical question of about my intimacy problem with my man. In my case, there is no man, so there’s not a problem. Why not offer something inspiring to the ladies who need to spice it up in the bedroom? Suggest grabbing a page out of the 365 Nights of Passion or better yet, play a game of connect the scars with finger paints in the bathtub!

How can anyone hire Dr. V to give answers that offer no real value and pay her beaucoup of dollars to do it? Can someone please explain this to me?

And yes, to answer your question, I did write this post in my pajamas with my tallest stilettos on. Want to see them?